Why Limiting Beliefs Persist Even After Awareness: The Part Nobody Talks About

You could be thinking … Just what we need.

Another piece pointing out where we are stuck, offering another answer that sounds like just what you need to fix your shit.

But we have been burned so hard that we are now questioning everything and I am here for it. Question everything or keep throwing your money and peace out the window.

I get it. Been there. Tried the thing. Wondered why it didn't hold. Pissed it didn't work, more at myself. Cause instead of questioning the thing I am questioning myself. What is wrong with me. Why can't I get this right.

Which is why I am writing this.

There is a specific kind of stuck that is harder to see than not-knowing the next thing.

It is the stuck that comes after we have done the work, learned the language, read the books, hired the coach, sat in the rooms. We can name what is happening. We can describe the pattern with precision. We can hand someone else the exact vocabulary they need to find their way. And underneath all of that fluency, the pattern keeps running.

This is not a failure of intelligence.

The words arrive. The understanding arrives. And the body is still running the old program like nobody sent the memo. Nobody tells us about the gap between those two things. So we keep filling the gap with more words, sometimes on repeat, because we can't get out of the loop. Because our body is still in the old program, an older version of self. And we keep reaching for more language to close a gap that language alone cannot close. Nobody talks about that because it is too hard. So we keep reaching.

Why the affirmation kept falling short.

For years I said an affirmation out loud:

I am a good photographer and good people pay me good money to take good pictures.

I said it to myself. I said versions of it to the mentees I was guiding at the time. I even repeated it to my mom. I really wanted to believe it.

And then I would open the bank account, looking for something to show for it, some sign that the words were landing somewhere real. And the feeling of deflation would be loud. That imposter syndrome, starving artist myth feeling. Right on cue.

I had been saying this affirmation a long time. I found myself nowhere different. Even after the emotional work, the structural work, followed plans. Even as I tried new ideas, honed in on new skills, all the next best things. And yeah, some of it moved the needle a little. But nothing was bringing me to the stability and security I was hoping for.

As I was doing all the things they say to do, the old system continued on autopilot while I was trying to speak my way into a new one. So on top of the imposter syndrome and the starving artist myth, I was also trying to fake it until I make it.

Classic. And I was exhausted.

And if I am being honest with myself, I was the one doing the scamming here. Trying to trick myself into believing I was worthy of the stability and security and even the abundance, from a place of scarcity and lack, doubt and fear, unworthiness and guilt, shame and blame. You know, all that heavy stuff we are trying to move — dare I say, escape from.

So as I turned to another investment, geared up for another hopeful new day of faking it until you make it, in hopes this Tuesday wasn't as heavy as yesterday, even if I still had nothing to show for it.

This went on for years, the same pattern of scarcity and lack running on autopilot. The irony of investing in abundance from a place of scarcity is something we really just need to step back and laugh at for a second.

What the in-between stage actually feels like.

So most mornings you can find me deep in a ritual. Affirmations spoken out loud on repeat until we believe them. Or until the coffee is ready, with pages of quality stream of consciousness writings to show for the commitment to myself and my feelings.

With the journal closed and the laptop open, it's another day where the room doesn't feel energized like they said it would. It's still heavy. Where was the clarity they promised if I did the things.

Instead I find myself staring at the screen, writing emails from a place of angst. Overanalyzing the same chain of events that are evidence I am nowhere close to being in a different space. The lack of cashflow. The new inquiry for services questioning my value.

Basically the lack feeding itself on the evidence we chose to circle and give attention to.

And then the reach. For anyone to complain to. Someone who will give validity to the problems and the situation. Because when neither story feels like solid ground, the only relief that feels available is someone else confirming that the hole is real. This is not what I am suggesting. It is just what I used to do.

So here I am navigating an email asking for a negotiation on my pricing. Not because they want something less for less money, but they want the same thing for cheaper. They know the work is good. They want the quality, but they don't hold the same value for my services as the price quoted suggests.

They don't even know it, but they are negotiating a service that carries the human factor of doubt, fear, and the need for stability.

And here lies the battle of the in-between.

I want to believe I am worthy of the price I established, but when someone else negates it, we are being asked how do you really feel about the price? Where we know our services, reputation, and quality are worth the price, but here in this in-between there is still evidence that the old version of our value is pulling a seat up to the table.

And it is easy to say just tell them no, these people aren't really the client you are looking for anyway. But the stability that money represents, even if it is less than what you are asking, is what you want. You just don't want the baggage of the negation of your own value that this interaction is asking of you. And I am here to say this is exactly where we need to be.

How we navigate that internal conversation, how we are feeling about our own talent and worth in that moment, is the most valuable information we can offer ourselves before we make any decision. But there is something else here that is also happening.

What was also as real, and what I kept rushing past, was that I was also navigating transactions with the kind of clients I loved working with. The ones I was creating relationships with. The ones that didn't question the value of my services.

And in the middle of my pity party with the starving artist myth and the imposter syndrome, I was validating my experiences by giving more weight and attention to the situations that negated the affirmation I was trying to believe, than I was giving attention to the joy I was already feeling while creating good work for good people I loved working with.

All my attention was going toward what was loudest.

Not what was truest.

The affirmation wasn't off. The focus was nowhere close to where it was most beneficial. I was reaching past what was already real instead of returning to it.

That is the in-between we are navigating in this essay.

What was and what is. What we know to be true and what we are still trying to believe.

Why limiting beliefs persist even after awareness.

We say things like:

I know I self-sabotage, I just can't seem to stop. Or: I know I need to get out of my own way.

There is a self doubt that functions as protection. We downplay ourselves just in case we go for it and fail. The I am not good enough feeling running quietly underneath the action, underneath the affirmations, underneath the language shift we are trying to implement.

This is what the in-between stage of mindset work actually feels like from inside it.

This is where the imposter syndrome gets diagnosed, the starving artist myth shows up just in case we need an excuse, and as a last ditch effort someone suggests we need to fake it until we make it. Which is basically saying here's your label, and the only way through it is hustling harder.

Yeah, not really helpful, but thanks.

All of this is the not enough feeling running underneath. And there is enough awareness to see that the complaining, the retelling of old stories, the same reactions to the same patterns, are contributing to staying stuck.

So the language shifts. The affirmations come in. The mantras, the breathing techniques. And then the wondering settles in — why is it not working, even after months of commitment to them?

I love affirmations. But nobody told us why they aren't working. They just say you're not doing enough. How do they know what I am or am not doing?

Language arrives before the nervous system is ready to integrate it.

The understanding lands. The body hasn't caught up yet. The body works with muscle memory, with conditioning from other people's experiences, or how we were guided through pain, loss, and fear when we were younger, and with generational and primal instincts we didn't even consciously commit to.

And now there are not just one but two false beliefs running at the same time. The old one that says I am not stable yet, or no, this is how we stay comfortable and safe — the one that has us reaching for more tools, more skills, more experience. And the new one that offers new words and language trying to describe what it is we want, which feeds hustling or tricking our way into it. Basically repeating positive words even when we don't believe them yet.

The old story doesn't fit anymore and the new one hasn't taken root and neither feels like solid ground. This is the moment in between. The one nobody really talks about. The one people say is too hard to talk about. And I think this is exactly the thing many refer to when they say it's so hard to talk about — when the awareness, even the language, has landed on the surface asking to be invited inside the pattern we are hoping to shift.

I think we don't talk about it for two reasons. We don't have language for what it is really doing. And honestly, returning to ourselves and bringing our experiences, values, wisdom and clarity that we already have isn't what the guru, the expert, or the coach is asking us to do first. There is a system that sees the value in us believing we are broken and labels it as such. It is presented as a helpful fix, but in raw honesty if we are fixed we don't need the system.

We are not conditioned or shown the value of returning to ourselves first before we reach outside for answers, solutions, or support. The return to ourselves, our values and our priorities, gets overlooked. Gets talked over by the noise of needing a fix.

There is so much uncertainty in the in-between, not because there is nothing there, but because we are asked to look at what was and what is as a problem, not as a solution or even part of a solution. We are asked to question how we could possibly have any answers within if we think we are broken — which is exactly what the system selling us something wants us to believe.

We are conditioned to make space for what is wrong, not for what we already have that we need for more clarity and discernment in searching for a solution or the next truest action or decision.

Societal conditioning needs things to be wrong and right in order to sell us something. And because we need to be broken in order to be sold something, we are asked to question ourselves and reach outside first, before we have ever returned to ourselves. Cue the terms: the starving artist myth, the imposter syndrome. Even the forced positive words sitting on top of where we actually are, trying to trick us into getting somewhere, but really what they are doing is making the gap feel even wider because now we are supposed to feel good and we don't.

Whether intentional or not, that conditioning is real.

And in the in-between we get to choose if that conditioning becomes the permanent explanation we rely on, running on a loop and seeking the people who will validate it, or we return to ourselves for what we have to bring to the table first.

The information in returning is only ours to receive. Not to perform our way through. Not to stay in the complaint loop. To actually receive it, so the next action or decision is more aligned with our own strengths, wisdom and clarity, even as we choose to reach outside for guidance and counsel. I have a coach. I reach outside for counsel regularly, and I return to myself so that I am not being guided blindly. I hold my freedom to choose close even as I seek advice and additional information.

Being exactly where we are, returning to our own clarity and values before the next decision, is not the consolation prize. It is movement on stable ground.

This in-between deserves attention. Not a quick reframe. Not bypassing. Not another just if you do. It deserves honest, curious attention, because that attention becomes information we can actually use instead of allowing evidence against ourselves to be the loudest voice in the room.

The gap between understanding a pattern and shifting it.

Using the affirmation like a ritual that kept falling short every day, I started questioning what I was missing.

Is there something I am skipping over? And at times questioning, what was wrong with me here?

It's been said that we have to sit with the discomfort. But what comes after that statement is what breaks my heart every time.

Just say your affirmations. Just do this three step process. Just meditate more. Just hustle harder. Just do it like me. Just. Just. Just.

As if the answer was always one more just away. Landing on top of the conditioned feeling that something is wrong with me, because being broken so we can be fixed is what is on repeat out there. It is no wonder that if these things don't work for me, why would I return to myself.

The real question underneath all of it is not what is wrong with me or what tool am I missing. It is this:

As I am telling the story I don't want on repeat for validation — that story has something else to say. What is the information I can choose to extract from it that is going to bring forward what is priority here, and what doesn't negate my core values?

Or more simply:

What does this situation have to say that I haven't been willing to hear yet?

That question changes the direction. Not from negative to positive in one giant leap. One step. Sometimes half a step.

Describing a pattern from inside it usually sounds like replaying the frustration, retelling what happened, gathering people who will hold the story with us.

Being outside the noise just long enough is different. The story starts to have something else to say. Not what happened. What the happening is still carrying.

I have watched someone stop mid-sentence in a session, set down the story they came in carrying, and find something else entirely underneath it. A client came in saying she struggled with her messaging. She was attracting the wrong person. She was judging when she was asking people not to judge themselves. The problem was not lack of clarity. She was holding contracting beliefs that negated her message by demonstrating the very judgment she was asking others to release. The moment she stopped explaining the pattern and started locating herself inside it, everything she needed was already there. She knew exactly what the next true action was for her.

What I am firm on is this:

Returning to core values and priorities while also sitting with the negative thoughts and feelings as information, before we decide what else to bring in to support our next move, puts us in a better position for discerning what comes next.

The information is only ours to receive, and returning to ourselves is the only way to tap into it.

I believe the thoughts and situations and patterns that keep showing up are here to help. To give us the information of what is or isn't working so we stop trying to make something work that isn't.

A supporting practice I integrate is that I don't force the positive feeling anymore. I intentionally take the time and energy to acknowledge when a positive thought, action, or response shows up. When I recognize the joyful feeling I sit with it, even for a few minutes, as I allow myself to feel it. I am witnessing the proof that this is what I want, and this moment with that positive reaction deserves the same acknowledgement as the negative loop of unworthiness that has and could come along for the ride. This is what they mean when they talk about having a choice in what to feel.

Because these joyful, abundant feelings are there. And for too long I was choosing to hear the unworthy noise that came with them. Rushing past the joy, the exact feeling I wanted to feel, only to give the louder negative thought the stage. In these moments I decided to give the joyful ones the space to show me that what I wanted was already here. I didn't have to reach for them to obtain them. I just needed to give them the attention they deserve instead of giving it to doubt and fear and scarcity. What I was reaching for was already happening. And the words of affirmation stopped being a reach and started being a return.

One of these moments I consistently practice, thirty four years into my career, is getting into my car after a photo shoot and feeling the excitement of what my client and I encountered together. The joy that this is what I get to do to create stability, security and abundance in my life. This isn't a life I need a vacation from. It is one I will move mountains to live and continue to live. A whole body experience. I return to myself not only when I am navigating uncertainty but also when I am celebrating what once was uncertain and has become a constant.

And when I express my excitement in the middle of a session, after capturing something valuable, sharing that with my clients in real time, offering them an option to celebrate with me, the affirmation becomes something we are living together, not something I am navigating alone. I am part of their manifestations. I am preserving their legacy with my creative talent. And together that is worth celebrating in real time. People hear my thoughts out loud as I review a great capture on the back of my camera, or experience a moment that signifies abundance, and I stop to acknowledge it with a laugh or a quick I love my life — and they are invited to celebrate with me. After all, I manifest them too. And I appreciate them for showing up.

This is the shift. Not the words getting better. The return to self before the next action, whether it is for discernment or for celebrating, alone or in communion with another.

What becomes available on the other side of the in-between.

There is a good possibility this pattern of doubt, questioning my worth, even as I guide people through naming and pricing their own worth, will show up again. Especially as I am reaching for the next bigger than myself ideas and goals I am currently navigating.

I have come to love this doubt, because it asks me to return to what my values are, where I have been, and what I need to bring with me as I move into a different unknown situation. As I take a seat at a new table or stand on a bigger stage than last week.

The doubt is also asking me to celebrate more often when reality is showing me that what I want is already happening.

What starts as the awareness of angst or frustration offers up a spark of curiosity instead of collapse. Returning to the parts we already have to equip and support the next true action or decision, whether that needs to be a solution or a celebration.

We don't have to sacrifice our wellbeing for the thing that is hard to talk about anymore. Uncomfortable feelings are hard. Sometimes they need time and space and sometimes they need tough love. There are many ways to navigate the uncomfortable in-between. But there are two things I know about being here: our values and our wisdom, cultivated from past experiences and mistakes, deserve a seat at the table, and there is very valuable information waiting when we return to ourselves and invite what we know to speak up.

The in-between is real and valuable, and even as uncomfortable as it is, it is preparing us to experience something new.

The old story doesn't fit anymore and the new one hasn't taken root and neither feels like solid ground.

That's not evidence against you. Nor do you have to make believe something you haven't completely understood how it should feel or look.

And this place is actually where the most honest information lives. Where our own intelligence is asking for a seat at the table.

I'm not writing from the other side of it. I am writing from inside it with you. Reminding myself that what I carry with me isn't broken. It is what I need to navigate the uncertainty without abandoning myself.

If you want to do that work up close, ClarityLAB is where that conversation happens with me. Not a system to follow. A way to see a direction that's actually yours to take.

This essay is a continuation from "Hope is the First Symptom"