Why Limiting Beliefs Persist Even After Awareness: The Part Nobody Talks About
You could be thinking … Just what we need.
Another piece pointing out where we are stuck, offering another answer that sounds fluffy and nice.
Will it work?
Will it resonate?
I get it. Been there. Tried the thing. Also have wondered (a lot) about why it didn't hold. Which is why I am writing this.
There is a specific kind of stuck that is harder to see than not-knowing.
It is the stuck that comes after we have done the work, learned the language, read the books, hired the coach, sat in the rooms. We can name what is happening. We can describe the pattern with precision. We can hand someone else the exact vocabulary they need to find their way. And underneath all of that fluency, the pattern keeps running.
This is not a failure of intelligence. It is what happens when language lands on the surface instead of inside the loop where the pattern actually lives. When language arrives before the nervous system is ready to integrate it.
And nobody tells us that. So we keep adding more language, wondering why the gap isn't closing.
Why the affirmation kept falling short.
For years I said an affirmation out loud:
I am a good photographer and good people pay me good money to take good pictures.
I said it to myself.
I said versions of it to the mentees I was guiding at the time. I even would repeat it to my mom! I really wanted to believe it.
And then I would find myself, staring at the bank account, and the feeling of deflation would be loud. That thing people like to call imposter syndrome or the starving artist myth came rising up and shining a light on the real feelings under the words.
I have been saying this affirmation a long time. I am still struggling. I have done the emotional work, the structural work, followed plans, tried new ideas, honed in on new skills, all the things. Some moved the needle a little, but nothing was bringing me to the stability and security I was hoping for.
I was taking action. I was moving. I was doing the things I was told to do. I was saying and writing the positive words. And there was something else happening that I knew but wasn't saying out loud.
I didn't fully believe the words as I was saying them.
The core belief was still running the old system while I was trying to speak my way into a new one. So on top of the imposter syndrome and the starving artist myth, I was also trying to fake it until I make it. Classic. And I was exhausted.
Each time I reached out for the next answer, fix, or strategy I felt like I was throwing money away. Not that these people were scammers. That I was scamming myself. Trying to trick myself into believing I was worthy of the stability and security and even the abundance I felt I was lacking.
Another investment. Another hopeful Monday. Another Tuesday that felt heavy and at times painful.
The irony of investing in abundance from a place of scarcity is something we really just need to step back and laugh at for a moment.
What was as real, and what I kept rushing past, was the kind of clients I loved working with. The ones I was creating relationships with. The ones that didn't need to be sold to or talked into my services. Years of work I was genuinely proud of. Solid, committed relationships with people who valued what I created. I just didn't believe it. Not because there wasn’t any evidence of them.
I was giving more weight and attention to the situations that negated the affirmation than I ever did to the feelings of abundance and the joy I felt creating great work for people I loved working with. I loved it. There was no room for the feelings of abundance that were already there. All my attention was going towards the loudest voice in the room, the fear of I that this was the way it was always going to be.
Let me just say the affirmation wasn't off. The focus was no where close to where it was most beneficial. I was reaching past what was already real instead of returning to it.
What the in-between stage actually feels like.
The morning ritual is done, affirmations spoken out loud on repeat until we believe them. Or until the coffee is ready.
Journal closed and the laptop open.
Only the room doesn't feel energized like they said it would.
It's still heavy and I have what you call brain fog. the clarity they promised was no where in sight.
So I push through, staring at the screen, trying to write emails from a place of angst and fear and scarcity. Overanalyzing the same chain of events, or the lack of them. Thinking back to the lack of cashflow. Nothing was moving. The lack feeding itself on the evidence I chose to circle and give attention too.
And then the reach.
Not for a tool. Not for the journal.
For anyone to complain to. Someone who will give validity to the problems and the situation. Because when neither story feels like solid ground, the only relief that feels available is someone else confirming that the hole is real.
So here I am sitting at my email navigating an email that is asking for a negotiation with my pricing, not because they want something less for less money but they want the same thing for cheaper. They know the work is good. They want the quality, but they don't hold the same value for my services as the price quoted suggest.
They are negotiating a service that carries the human factor of doubt, fear, the need for stability and so here is the battle of the in-between.
I want to believe I am worth the price, but when someone else negates it, we are being asked to witness and bring attention to the in-between. Where we know we our services, reputation, and quality are worth the price, but there is still evidence that the old version of your value is still pulling a seat up to the table.
Some people do this on autopilot, imposing their value system onto your value set price. And it is easy to coach just say no they are not your clients.
But how we navigate internal conversations and how we hold boundaries, and more importantly witness how we are feeling about our own talent, or competence and worth in that moment, is the most valuable information we can offer ourselves in making a decision.
That is the in-between we are navigating in this essay.
What was and what is.
What we know to be true and what we are still trying to believe.
Why limiting beliefs persist even after awareness.
We say things like:
I know I self-sabotage, I just can't seem to stop.
Or: I know I need to get out of my own way.
Both of those sentences are true.
And neither of them tell us where we are standing inside the loop.
There is a self doubt that functions as protection. We downplay ourselves just in case we go for it and fail.
The “I am not good enough” feeling running quietly
underneath the action,
underneath the affirmations,
underneath the language shift we are trying to implement.
This is where the imposter syndrome gets diagnosed, the starving artist myth shows up just in case we need an excuse, and as a last ditch effort someone suggests we need to fake it until we make it. Which is basically saying here’s what you need to control your outcome, label it. And let’s not talk about what it takes to get around these labels, and the only way through this is hustling harder.
Yeah, not really helpful, but thanks.
All of this is the “not enough” feeling running underneath. We all have been there.
But what happens when there is enough awareness to see that the complaining, the retelling of old stories, the same reactions to the same patterns, are contributing to the being stuck in this pattern.
I know I turned to affirmations at this point of my in-between being where I was and knowing fully where I want to be.
I love affirmations. But no one told us why they don't work.
So the language shifts. The affirmations come in. The mantras, the breathing techniques. A lot like the morning route, then the wondering settles in, “Why it is not working, even after months of commitment to them?”
Let's talk about what everyone says is hard to name or talk about.
Language arrives before the nervous system is ready to integrate it. The understanding lands. The body hasn't caught up yet. And now there are not just one but two false beliefs running at the same time. The old one that says I am not stable yet, I need more tools, more skills, more experience. And the new one that uses words and sayings to describe where we are and suggests hustling or tricking our way out of it. Saying positive words even when we don't believe them yet.
The old story doesn't fit anymore and the new one hasn't taken root and neither feels like solid ground. This is the moment in between. The one nobody really talks about. The one people say is too hard to talk about.
I think we don't talk about it for two reasons. We don't have language for it. And honestly, returning to ourselves and bringing our experiences, values, wisdom and clarity that we do have isn't what the guru, the expert, or the coach is asking us to do first. The system sees the value in us believing we are broken and operating from a broken system and labels it as such. We are not conditioned or shown the value of returning to ourselves first before we reach outside for answers, solutions, or support. The return to ourselves, our values and our priorities, gets overlooked. Gets talked over by the noise of needing a fix.
There is so much uncertainty in the in-between, not because there is nothing there, but because we are asked to look at what was and what is. And what we are trying to run from. How could we possibly have any answers within if we think that we are broken.
We are conditioned to make space for what is wrong, not for what we already have that we need for more clarity and discerment.
Societal conditioning needs things to be wrong and right in order to sell us something. And because we need to be broken in order to be sold something, we are asked to question ourselves and reach outside first, before we have ever returned to ourselves.
The starving artist myth. The imposter syndrome.
Even the forced positive words sitting on top of where we actually are, making the gap feel even wider because now we are supposed to feel good and we don't. This is built into the strategies and systems that keep us needing something to buy rather than returning to what is so beneficial in discernment, ourselves.
Whether intentional or not, that conditioning is real. And in the in-between we get to choose if that conditioning becomes the permanent explanation, a reality or we return to ourselves for what we have to bring to the table first. The information in returning is only ours to receive. Not to perform our way through. Not to stay in the complaint loop. To actually receive it, so the next action, solution or decission is more aligned with our own strengths, wisdom and clarity that represents who we are and how we navigate our own life.
Being exactly where we are, returning to our own clarity and values before the next decision, is not the consolation prize. It is the more stable ground.
This place deserves attention. Not a quick reframe. Not bypassing. Honest, curious attention, because that attention is what lets it become information instead of allowing evidence against ourselves be the loudest voice in the room.
I said something to my therapist once that lived in this exact place:
I know what you're saying. I just don't know what that feels like in my own life.
I said it from frustration and confusion. I said it from that exact between-place, where understanding arrived on top of the doubt and fear instead. Here’s something that didn’t land until later. That was the truest statement I could have used for this in-between space. I know I am caught in a negative pattern. But I don’t know what being in a positve more benefical pattern feels like. My embodiment hadn’t caught up with my awareness. Saying it, admitting I just dont know what that feels like was so honest and hardest place to be. I wanted a fix. And the fix wasn’t there, I am glazing over returning to myself and asking myself what does this feel like, have I ever felt it before, or what do I want this to feel like. The first time feeling something can be really scary because once you feel something different you can’t unfeel it. And in there is always a possibility that what we will feel can feel like hurt. And on the other side of that coin is exactly where all our desires are.
I think this is the thing that many refer to when they say to me, “it’s so hard to talk about.” When the awareness, even language that has landed on the surface asking to be invited inside the pattern we are hoping to heal, shift, change or navigate differently.
The gap between understanding a pattern and shifting it.
I was using the affirmation (even morning routines) like a ritual that fell short every day, I started questioning what I was missing.
Is there something I am skipping over?
It’s been said that we have to sit with the discomfort. But what comes after that statement is what breaks my heart every time.
Just say your affirmations.
Just do this three step process.
Just meditate more.
Just hustle harder.
Just do it like me.
Just …
Just …
Just …
As if the answer was always one more “just” away. And under all of it is the conditioned feeling that something is wrong with me. Because if these things don't work for me, then something is wrong with me and why would I return to myself.
Describing a pattern from inside it usually sounds like replaying the frustration, retelling what happened, gathering people who will hold the story with us.
Being outside the noise just long enough is different. The story starts to have something else to say. Not what has happened. But what the happening is still carrying.
I have watched someone stop mid-sentence in a session, set down the story they came in carrying, and find something else entirely underneath it. A client came in saying she struggled with her messaging. But in practice, her most compelling communication appeared spontaneously during honest conversation. The problem was not lack of clarity. It was trying to compress living wisdom into overly controlled language. The moment she stopped explaining the pattern and started locating herself inside it, everything she needed was already there.
The real question underneath all of it is not what is wrong with me or what tool am I missing. It is this:
As I am telling the story I don't want, what is the information I can extract from it that is going to bring forward what is priority and doesn't negate my core values?
Or more simply:
What does this situation have to say that I haven't been willing to hear yet?
That question changes the direction. Not from negative to positive in one giant leap. One step at a time, and maybe sometimes in a half a step.
What I am firm on is this: that as we return to ourselves (not what was or what wish we had,) and sit with the negative thoughts, patterns, and feelings as information before we decided what else to bring in to support our next move we are in a better position for success to happen both effectively and efficiently. I do believe this is why things come so easy for some and not for others. It all depends on the values, the experiences, and the intelligence we each hold individually and how we use that with what it is was are wanting.
I believe the thoughts and situations and patterns that keep showing up are here to help. To give us the information of what is or isn't working so we stop trying to make something work that isn't.
A supporting practice I integrate is that I don't try to force the positive feeling. I intentionally take the time and energy to acknowledge when the feeling I want organically shows up. No matter how small or big it is. When I recognize the joyful feeling I sit with it for a minute. I allow myself to feel it. I witness the times I tried to negate it or push it away because unworthiness came up with it.
Because these joyful, abundant feelings are there and for too long I was choosing to hear the unworthy noise that came with them. I was rushing past the joy, the exact feeling I wanted to feel. When I stop rushing and start sitting with the real moment of I just had a joyful moment the one I want. Giving it space showed me that I usually rushed past them to the louder negative thought that came with them because I didn’t feel worthy enough for the fix much less actually live in abundance always questioning if I hustled long enough.
This led to more awareness. That I could negate the negative thoughts just like the negative thoughts negated the already joyful experiences I was having. The ones I was reaching for. They were already happening. And then I noticed moments and word stop being a reach and started being a return. I return to celebrate the life I am living instead of trying to make the negative thoughts run the narrative. We deserve to give the joyful moments the attention they deserve too.
This became so habitual that people in my company would hear my thoughts out loud as I am looking at a great moment captured on the back of my camera, or experiencing a joyful thought that signifies the abundance I want, as I stop to acknowledge it with a laugh or a quick “I love my life,” outloud proclaimation.
The most often place I still do this even 34 years into my career is when I get into my car after a photo shoot and feeling the excitement of the success my client and I encountered together.
Aware of the joy that this is what I get to do to create stability, security and abundance in my life. This is want I wanted and I am living it.
This isn't a life I need a vacation from. It is one I will move mountains to live and continue to live. This isn’t luck. This is a whole body experience. I return to myself not only when I am navigating uncertainty but also when I am celebrating what once was uncertain and has become a constant.
And when I express my excitement in the middle of a session, after capturing something valuable, sharing that with my clients in real time, offering them an option to celebrate with me, the affirmation becomes something we are living together, not something I am navigating alone. Because in all honesty I am also part of their desires, their manifestations. I am preserving their legacy with my creative talent. And together that is worth celebrating in real time. It is a shared experience that is organic, real and can't be packaged and sold.
This is the shift. Not the words getting better. The return to self before the next action, whether it is for discernment or for celebrating, alone or in communion with another. Returning to it and giving it the awareness and acknowledgement it deserves, whether it is positive or negative, instead of reaching past what is real.
What becomes available on the other side of the in-between.
There is a good possibility this pattern of doubt, questioning my worth, even as I guide people through naming a pricing their own worth will show up again, especially as I am reaching for the next bigger than myself ideas and goals I am currently navigating.
I have come to love this doubt, because it asks me to return to what my values are, where I have been, and what I need to bring with me as I move into a different unknown situation or take a seat at a new table or stand on a bigger stage than last week.
The doubt is also asking me to celebrate more often when reality is showing me that what I want is already happening, even if what I dont want is also still happening.
What starts as the awareness of angst or frustration offers up a spark of curiosity instead of collapse. Returning to the parts we already have to equip and support the next true action or decision, whether that needs to be a solution or a celebration.
We don't have to sacrifice our wellbeing for the thing that is hard to talk about anymore. Yes uncomfortable feelings are hard. Sometimes they need time and space and sometimes the need tough love. There are many ways to navigate the uncomfortable in-between. But there are two things I know about being here, what we have within deserves a seat at the table, and there is very valuable information when we return to ourselves and invite what we know to speak up.
The between-place is real.
The old story doesn't fit anymore and the new one hasn't taken root and neither feels like solid ground.
That's not evidence against you. That's just where you are.
And that place — the one nobody wants to sit in long enough to hear what it's carrying — that's actually where the most honest information lives. Not on the other side of it. Inside it.
I'm not writing from the other side of it. I am writing from inside it with you.
If you want to do that work up close, ClarityLAB is where that conversation happens with me. Not a system to follow. A way to see a direction that's actually yours to take.
This essay is a continuation from “Hope is the First Symptom.” The piece I wrote last month.
You can find it here.
