The Motivation Myth: When Motivation Isn’t Motivation

Unlearning Anxiety as a Creative Pattern

Why I Thought I Needed Anxiety (and What Happened When I Finally Questioned It)

In asking myself the question:

What am I actively unlearning right now?

I didn’t go looking for an answer, the answer came looking for me.

It showed up right after the TEDx Baton Rouge event I attended. Not as a speaker, but as a woman in the audience, cheering on neighbors, community members, and people I deeply respect.

• I watched each speaker step into their message.

• I saw nerves transform into confidence.

• I felt the electricity of people doing something brave in real time.

And as I watched, something clicked: I belong on that stage.

My message, Creative Adaptive Intelligence, had a place up there alongside the conversations about climate, regenerative solutions, and community change.

But here’s the key part:

• I didn’t feel jealousy.

• I didn’t feel the bitterness of not being selected.

• I chose to truly receive the experience.

I saw each person’s resilience, their pivots, their clarity. I saw their CAI humming through their stories. And receiving that lit something in me. Motivation.

Real, grounded motivation. And then… a few days later…

Anxiety walked in like a sitcom character with no timing — loud, dramatic, and carrying emotional luggage it did NOT pack with my permission.

Except this time, I didn’t just “feel anxious.”
I recognized it.

Not the conscious kind.
The body memory kind.

That old pattern I didn’t know was still running:
“When inspiration shows up… anxiety must follow.”

I noticed myself getting busy.
Too busy.
Distracted-busy.
”I don’t have time to work on what I want” busy.

And none of this made sense, because this is always my season of abundance in photography, joyful, full, busy in the best way — and I have an incredible support team.

We’re in flow.
I’m doing the parts I love.
They’re doing the parts they love.

So why the anxiety?

I stepped back for a day.
A mini hibernation.
Some sleep.
Some journaling.
Some unresolved questions floating around:

• Why is this here?

• Why now?

• What is this signal?

• What part of me thinks this anxiety is necessary?

And the answer hit me like a “holy shit / WTF” combo platter:

My body thinks anxiety is a motivator.

Not because I consciously believe it.

Because historically…
Some of my biggest pivots. Some of my real-time successes came from needing to get OUT of fear or conflict or overwhelm.

Trauma → pivot → clarity → action → success.

• I didn’t choose that pattern.

• I adapted through it.

My nervous system learned: “When you feel anxiety, you pivot. And your pivots work.”

So now? Even when inspiration shows up… Anxiety tries to “help.”

Like:

“Oh great, Jenn’s inspired! Let’s sprinkle some unnecessary panic on top so this pivot comes out perfect.”

It was trying to serve me. But it was actually stalling me.

And once I saw that, TRULY saw it, everything shifted.

The CALM Turn: Returning to Myself

I brought in my CALM framework because CAI finally revealed the clarity:

This anxiety wasn’t truth. It was habit.

A neurological reflex.

A leftover survival rhythm.

An old story trying to play lead in a new chapter.

So I paused. I rested. I felt the feelings without feeding them.

I asked the real questions:

Where did this pattern come from?

Do I actually need to know?

What part of me is attached to it?

What’s underneath it?

• I wrote.

• I listened.

• I moved.

• I breathed.

And then, like clockwork, because CAI always activates when we return to ourselves a space opened.

A space that said, “Jenn… you don’t need this anymore.”

And that’s when I realized something else:

Yes anxiety once played a functional role.

• In 2020 it lit the spark for The Front Porch Project.

• In past pivots it helped me escape circumstances I didn’t want to stay in.

But now?
It was overdrawing from an account I no longer needed to use.

• My life isn’t in danger.

• My purpose isn’t an emergency.

• My next pivot doesn’t require panic to be powerful.

And when I said that out loud?

My Monkey Mind, bless her dramatic heart, completely lost it.

Enter the Monkey Mind (With Poo)

You know when your brain is doing THE MOST? Mine was all three rings of the circus with the chaos only poo can bring:

• “Are you SURE you’re ready?”

• “Why would anyone care about CAI?”

• “You’re wasting your time.”

• “What if this doesn’t work?”

• “WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH?”

It was flinging mental poo everywhere.

Finally, I said:

“Okay Nervous Nelly. Okay Worrying Walter. Throw your last piece of poo and grab a mop — we’re cleaning this up.”

And here’s why that mattered:
I wasn’t fighting them anymore.
I wasn’t obeying them.
I wasn’t performing resilience.

I was directing them. Returning to myself. Using my values as the actual leaders.

Because one of my highest values is harmony and let me tell you, anxiety does not harmonize well.

And the moment I honored my values instead of the habit?
Anxiety left as fast as it arrived.

The Regenerative Realization

When I returned to myself, this became unmistakably clear:

I can be motivated without anxiety.

• Clarity can be the new catalyst.

• Intention can be the new spark.

• Rest can be a leadership strategy .

• Values can be the new rhythm.

I don’t have to choose between success and stability.
I don’t have to ignite inspiration with panic.
I don’t have to confuse urgency with readiness.
I don’t have to exhaust myself to prove I care.

And I sure as hell don’t need to recreate anxiety every time I’m inspired. Because this time. I’m not pivoting out of fear. I’m moving toward something I WANT.

That’s Creative Adaptive Intelligence at work

• Intentionally.

• Consciously.

• Regeneratively.

Not because I mastered it. But because I remembered it.

The Mirror (This Is Your Part)

Notice something:

• I’m not telling you how to feel.

• I’m not diagnosing you.

• I’m not claiming your story is my story.

But if any part of this has echoed in your body, even for a second, that’s the mirror.

We all have default emotions that sneak in and pretend to be necessary.

Maybe yours isn’t anxiety. Maybe it’s overthinking.
Or guilt.
Or pressure.
Or caretaking.
Or urgency.
Or perfection.

You get to ask:

• Do I need this?

• Or is it just familiar?

• What happens when I return to myself first?

• What becomes possible when I choose clarity over autopilot?

Where I Am Now

I'm writing this from the middle. Not the finish line.

I’m still learning how to let clarity lead.

I’m still practicing using CAI intentionally instead of reflexively.

I’m still retraining my nervous system to trust harmony as a motivator.

And I’m still laughing at my Monkey Mind, even when she throws poo because she’s not the villain.

She’s just the storyteller.

And I’m the director now.

A Soft Invitation

(Not homework. Not a challenge. Just a question to hold.)

What emotion have you been using as fuel — without realizing you could choose something else?

Let it sit with you this week.

• Gently.

• Curiously.

• With compassion.

Your next pivot doesn’t require panic. It only requires presence.

If You Want to Explore This Flavor of Clarity

The place I’m deepening this work right now is inside:

💛 The Clarity Compass ThrivBUNDLE
Your guide for moving toward aligned decisions without needing urgency, overwhelm, or chaos to push you.

Not because you need another tool.
But because you deserve a rhythm that doesn’t require anxiety as your co-pilot.