The Motivation Myth: When Motivation Isn’t Motivation
Unlearning Anxiety as a Creative Pattern
Why I Thought I Needed Anxiety (and What Happened When I Finally Questioned It)
In asking myself the question,
What am I actively unlearning right now?
I didn’t go looking for an answer. The answer came looking for me.
It showed up right after the TEDx Baton Rouge event I attended. Not as a speaker, but as a woman in the audience, cheering on neighbors, community members, and people I deeply respect.
I watched each speaker step into their message.
I saw nerves transform into confidence.
I felt the electricity of people doing something brave in real time.
And as I watched, something clicked.
I belong on that stage.
My message had a place there, alongside conversations about climate, regenerative solutions, and community change.
But here’s the part that surprised me.
I didn’t feel jealousy.
I didn’t feel bitterness.
I chose to receive the experience fully.
I saw resilience. I saw pivots. I saw clarity emerging in real time. I watched people move through uncertainty without formulas or guarantees, trusting what they knew from lived experience.
That recognition sparked motivation. Real, grounded motivation.
And then, a few days later, anxiety walked in like a sitcom character with terrible timing. Loud. Dramatic. Carrying emotional luggage it did not pack with my permission.
Except this time, I didn’t just feel anxious. I recognized it.
Not the conscious kind.
The body-memory kind.
That old pattern I didn’t know was still running:
When inspiration shows up, anxiety must follow.
I noticed myself getting busy.
Too busy. Distracted-busy.
The kind of busy that says, I don’t have time to work on what I actually want.
None of this made sense.
This is my season of abundance in photography. Full. Joyful. Busy in the best way. I have an incredible support team. We’re in flow. I’m doing the parts I love. They’re doing the parts they love.
So why the anxiety?
I stepped back for a day. A mini hibernation.
Some sleep. Some journaling.
Some unresolved questions floating around.
Why is this here?
Why now?
What is this signaling?
What part of me thinks this anxiety is necessary?
And the answer landed hard.
My body thinks anxiety is a motivator.
Not because I consciously believe it.
Because historically, some of my biggest pivots came from needing to get out of fear, conflict, or overwhelm.
Fear → pivot → clarity → action → success.
I didn’t choose that pattern. I adapted through it.
My nervous system learned: When you feel anxiety, you pivot. And your pivots work.
So now, even when inspiration shows up, anxiety tries to help.
“Oh great,” it says. “Jenn’s inspired. Let’s add some panic so this pivot comes out right.”
It was trying to serve me. But it was actually stalling me.
This pattern reflects Creative Adaptive Intelligence, the capacity to orient and choose coherently under uncertainty.
Once I truly saw that, everything shifted.
The CALM Turn: Returning to Myself
I didn’t fight the anxiety.
I didn’t obey it.
I didn’t perform resilience.
I paused.
I rested.
I felt what was there without feeding it.
I asked quieter questions.
Where did this pattern come from?
Do I actually need it now?
What happens if I don’t follow it?
I wrote.
I listened.
I moved.
I breathed.
And something opened.
A space that said, You don’t need this anymore.
That’s when another realization landed.
Yes, anxiety once played a functional role.
In 2020, it lit the spark for The Front Porch Project.
In past pivots, it helped me leave situations I didn’t want to stay in.
But now, it was overdrawing from an account I no longer needed.
My life isn’t in danger.
My purpose isn’t an emergency.
My next pivot doesn’t require panic to be powerful.
When I said that out loud, my Monkey Mind lost it.
Enter the Monkey Mind (With Poo)
You know when your brain is doing the absolute most? Mine turned into a full circus.
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Why would anyone care?”
“You’re wasting your time.”
“What if this doesn’t work?”
“What if you’re not enough?”
Mental poo everywhere.
Finally, I said, “Okay. Throw your last piece and grab a mop. We’re cleaning this up.”
I wasn’t fighting my thoughts.
I wasn’t obeying them.
I wasn’t trying to outgrow them.
I was directing them.
Because one of my core values is harmony. And anxiety does not harmonize well.
When I honored my values instead of the habit, anxiety left as quickly as it arrived.
The Regenerative Realization
What became clear was simple.
I can be motivated without anxiety.
Clarity can lead.
Intention can spark movement.
Rest can support leadership.
Values can set the rhythm.
I don’t have to choose between success and stability.
I don’t have to ignite inspiration with panic.
I don’t have to confuse urgency with readiness.
I don’t have to exhaust myself to prove I care.
I’m not pivoting out of fear. I’m moving toward something I want.
Intentionally.
Consciously.
With discernment.
Not because I mastered anything. Because I remembered something I already knew.
The Mirror
I’m not telling you how to feel.
I’m not diagnosing your experience.
I’m not claiming my story is yours.
But if any part of this echoed in your body, that’s worth noticing.
We all have default emotions that pretend to be necessary. Maybe yours isn’t anxiety.
Maybe it’s overthinking.
Guilt.
Pressure.
Urgency.
Caretaking.
Perfection.
You get to ask:
Do I need this? Or is it just familiar?
What happens if I return to myself first?
Where I Am Now
I’m writing this from the middle, not the finish line.
I’m still practicing letting clarity lead.
I’m still retraining my nervous system to trust harmony as a motivator.
I’m still learning how to choose without reflex.
And I’m still laughing at my Monkey Mind.
She’s not the villain.
She’s just the storyteller.
I’m the director now.
Your next pivot doesn’t require panic. It only requires presence.
If You Want to Explore This Flavor of Clarity
The place I’m deepening this work right now is inside:
💛 The Clarity Compass ThrivBUNDLE
Your guide for moving toward aligned decisions without needing urgency, overwhelm, or chaos to push you.
Not because you need another tool.
But because you deserve a rhythm that doesn’t require anxiety as your co-pilot.
